I've been angry.
I don't know why.
Its the smallest things that trigger it.
I am sorry zilla.
I don't mean to be angry at you because you don't sleep. You don't sleep because you want a hug from mama that she won't give to you.
I don't mean to be angry at you because you need a potty seat to go potty. You got upset because mama was too angry and lazy to go get it from downstairs.
Mama is scared. She is scared that there might be something terribly wrong - but Mama and Dada is trying to figure it out. We are trying to figure it out because we love you zilla. Once we figure it out you won't have to be scared. Mama will hug you when you need it. Mama will hug you to sleep. Mama will go get the potty seat for you when she realizes its downstairs.
It will take time zilla, but we will make it better.
We love you bud.
I might be showing symptoms of late onset PPD. it creeps up on me when the babies need me the most. We are working through the feelings.
there is something about the fighting sleep that triggers red hot rage in me. like smash all the things and kick all the puppies fury. I think, for me, it's overwhelming frustration and tiredness. Struggle for an hour or more to get child in bed asleep, only to have them wake up and want to play for 2 more hours. It makes me twitch just thinking about it.
ReplyDeleteahh yep. zilla's bed time is 9pm already. he was awake till 12 last night. after the battle died down he was asleep within minutes when I forced him back to bed. this morning he woke me up. grrr!
Deletewe're having more trouble with B these days wanting to stay up really late, til 11 or 12. R turned a corner sometime last fall and finally sleeps reasonably well. Not great, but better. I have a hard time letting go of my own expectations about the kids sleeping, and I think that's where a lot of my anger comes from.
Deletei remember the sleep issues with R. i had expectations too. i didn't think i'd still be nursing him and that together is another issue as well :( I knew I was going extend nurse but my friend's kids all weaned about 2~3ish... so that's what I was expecting. he is 40 months now and doesn't seem like he will stop anytime soon :( he still nurses three, four times a day - and he really needs it emotionally. that gets me angry as well.
Deletebut then there are days that I am so glad he still nurses and that plays with my emotions :(
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