we had a power outage that lasted an hour tonight.  it was the closest I ever came to a 'survival situation'.  as silly it might sound, its quite a possibility during the winter here in fairbanks.  several things I wanted to make a note of and blog! 

so the lights go off and I am freaking out... then I realize I have a flashlight app on my phone.
I am so glad that my sister told me about it.  at the time I thought it was the most ridiculous thing.  who would need something like that ever?  well.  it came in handy today!  I have the flashlight XT for windows phone.  P has DLed as well for his iPhone.  it makes your camera flash in to a flashlight!  of course you should have real flashlights with batteries but for that moment, it does a great job. 

don't panic.

sure its easy for anyone to say that, but when its -20 outside and you don't have power you might just panic.  it was really hard for me to not break down and cry.  I kept asking zilla if he was cold, if he was scared, if he was panicked.  truth was I was scared.  I was slowly getting cold, and I was on the verge of panic.  I wanted to pack the car and drive off somewhere warm.  at least we have heat in the car. we have a full tank. GET OUT OF HERE!!! is the only thing I could think of but I've watched a lot of survivorman to know that that could be the worst think you can do.  stay calm.  take your time and asses the situation so you know where to take your kids and the pets if the power doesn't come back on.

OMG.  the PETS.

in my panic, I had complete forgotten about them.  I would have left them or put them in to the car and realized that I had to stay in the car with them instead of going to a store or something where it would be warmer.  after realizing this, I went upstairs since it was getting colder downstairs to calm down and rethink things.  I sat there and kept zilla occupied (bean was asleep through the whole thing) then I felt the temperature upstairs equalize for a moment and it wasn't getting cold as quickly as I thought it was going to get. 

by the time I was done thinking and assessing 45 minutes had passed.  15 minutes later as I was nagging zilla to put some socks on because he was getting restless, the power came back on.

the most important thing I have left for last though.  I am thankful for my friends who voiced concern on facebook when I announced that the power was out.  Honestly I don't know what I was thinking when I posted that.  I feel bad to worry people but I felt instinctively to do it.  It does feel lonely and it feels good to have friends rooting for you and letting you know that they are sending positive vibes.  I think that's what was able to calm me the most.

holidays and random musings about attachment

november is over!  fall is over! it's been winter already for better part of september and october, which confuses zilla.  (LOL).  thanksgiving was a great hit.  we fried 2 turkeys and made a ham.  I loved the fried turkey so much I want to make a fried truducken next year.

-20*F isn't as bad as people think, especially if there is no wind and that wind just about kills you.  sun is low on the horizon.  I always wondered how it all worked after hearing about polar nights.  I love that we are living all the awesome stuff people talk about.  midnight sun, polar nights, moose, aurora sightings.  I kind of crack up at all those alaska reality shows on TV.  granted, it IS like that.  even those who don't 'homestead' are encouraged to have at least a week's worth of non perishable food.  yes, cans explode so there are cases of dried foods.  plug in your car.  life is so different here even if you live an ordinary life.  when you live the extraordinary life, there are a lot of EXTRAS. 


Paul just left for a week long training exercise.  every time we are apart I analyze my feelings I begin to understand the core of attachment parenting.

almost 13 years ago when we started dating, I was insecure, this was my first real relationship, I had come from a broken home, and my self esteem was at an all time low.  the future I saw in me was a lonely one, where I would never get married or have kids because I wasn't worthy. 

I had quirks.  I wanted him to page me.  I wanted him to call me.  I wanted him to say I love you even if it made him uncomfortable.

he did it for me.  respected those feelings and insecurities I had.

I see our relationship now and I still have those insecurities in different forms.  what if I neglect my children like my mom did when she was depressed?  what if I lash out at them when I get overly tired while he is gone?  He reassures me that that is normal.  he doesn't minimize those feelings.  he buys some video games for zilla so I can have time to myself. 

I feel attached to my husband who respects my feelings and when he is gone I feel it the most.  a feeling I'd love my own child to experience when I am gone as well.