a very personal story.

All the hoopla about the extended breastfeeding picture compelled me to share my story.

I have 2 sisters and a brother. they were both extended breastfed - some longer than others. They were all born after I turned eight, so there was a lot of breastfeeding going around me. It was simply natural. My sisters and brother looked happy and comforted in my mother's arms. they bedshared and we eventually bedshared in our 2 bedroom condo (lets just add we can all sleep by ourselves in the dark LOL)

when I was 14 years old I was sexually abused. I remember the feeling of shame, embarrassment, guilt, anger and hate towards who did it like it was yesterday. I even tried to commit suicide once by putting 5 morphine patches on my thigh hoping I'd fall asleep and never wake up. All it did was make me sick and I stayed home the next day.

Now fast forward 15 years. I am 30. I am tandem nursing a 3 year old and a 6 month old. to me, its normal. I grew up with it. My son smiles when I hold him close. His sister smiles at HIM mostly (haha). I see my son smile at his sister as they share cuddles with mom. sometimes he holds hands, sometimes he strokes her hair. I stroke their hair. my son tells me mom, dad, boboobs, and sister make him happy (in that order - but ice cream and candy doesn't, HA!). everything is alright in their world when they nurse.

nothing was right on the day I was molested.

so when I read things like 'you're molesting your child if you are extend breastfeeding', I'm honestly more confused than shocked. I know exactly what both of these things feel like. My brother and sisters never felt shame, anger, or guilt. none of those things. they never felt violated. they never felt like they had to commit suicide. If extended breastfeeding made my children feel that way of course I wouldn't do it - but when I see my son when he nurses, he is happy. in his confusing world (we are military and my husband deployed twice already in his 3 year life, as well as gained a sister, moved five times, lived in a hotel for a month at a time), his constant has been mama and boboob. When I nurse him and contribute to his comfort from his confusing world, I am glad I am there for him.

When I started nursing I never thought I would be 'that mom'. honestly, I don't think any mom does. Now I am 'that mom'. I know people are entitled to their opinion - but not ignorance! "extended nursing isn't for me, nor do I feel like is right for a mom to nurse past X year" (opinion) is clearly different from "nursing a three year old? that is clearly child molestation!" (ignorance) equating two things you clearly have no clue about and telling me who I am. I'm not saying that everyone should extend breastfeed. I don't even mind if you don't - or won't nurse. its your decision. It is also my choice to nurse my three year old because its NOT child molestation.

I know what that feels like and it definitely isn't this.